Welcome to the Fireside Interview with the Duckman. Sitting with me for this evening, are two very familiar characters. They have earned their place in Saturday morning toon history, and have many successful movies behind them. Tonight I will be interviewing Fred and Daphne from “Scooby Doo.” Since we are on WTUN, I will be exploring these characters with more in-depth, and personal questions. I do want to emphasize I am very grateful for these two wholesome characters to take the time out of their busy schedules to participate in this interview.

Duckman: Once again I want to thank the both of you for being here tonight.

Daphne: Jeepers Duck! I wasn’t doing anything tonight.

Fred: Always my pleasure Duckman.

Duckman: I notice the both of you are not in your typical cast garb; I thought the both of you would be wearing it when you agreed to do the interview. (Daphne is in stonewash jeans that reveal her hips and a purple halter top and no hair ribbon. Fred is in jean cargo style shorts a printed T-shirt, and flip-flops.)

Fred: We thought this was going to be a bit more casual of an interview, so I thought my attire would be more appropriate for it.

Daphne: Uh Freddie (winking at him), this interview will be more casual than you think. I just wanted to be in something more comfortable.

Fred: What do you me...

Duckman: Let us get down to business here. First of all, I want to dispel for my audience, any rumors about the both of you being lovers. You don’t have a serious relationship - is that right?

Fred: Not at all, we are very good friends. I am in love with someone else.

Daphne: Well we are fuck buddies (Fred glares at her)...oops! I dropped an F-bomb, is that okay?

Duckman: This is WTUN, and as long as you are not name calling, or using naughty words in the form of racism, or religion - that is okay.

Daphne: Well I am glad to get that straight.

Fred: I guess you can say Daph and I fuck each other every now and then.

Duckman: There you go Fred - now you are more relaxed, and I want the both of you to feel at ease in this interview. (Daphne uncrosses her legs and sits leaning forward with them apart, while Fred slumps more easily in the chair near the fire.) Now do the both of you have sex Every time the gang splits up when clue hunting?

Fred: I haven’t fucked Daphne since the mystery with Lochness Monster, at Blake castle.

Daphne: I don’t think catching me blowing Shaggy in the bathroom counts as fucking me.

Fred: (Stiffly) Okay, so then when was the last time we fucked?

Daphne: (Bringing one leg up, so the knee is near her chin. Her crotch area can be well defined in those tight jeans.) I think it was when...Jeepers! I cannot remember, doesn’t that suck?

Fred: It figures...

Duckman: Tell me a little bit about Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby? I understand Velma is a flaming lesbian - is this true?

Fred: Every damn word...

Daphne: No it’s not Freddie! She is bi-sexual...and I have caught you fucking her a few times when I split with Shaggy and Scooby on our mystery hunts.

Fred: (Running his hand through his hair) I guess you are right. Velma does swing both ways.

Duckman: By the way, I have to ask you: what the hell is with that ascot thing?

Fred: What do you mean?

Duckman: In many episodes, especially the older ones - you wear it all the time. People might get the wrong impression - hell I had the wrong impression...

Fred: (Leaning forward on his chair) What are you getting at?

Daphne: Jeepers Fred! Does he have to spell it out for you? He thinks you’re a fag! (I can see out of the corners of my eyes Daphne has both legs up with her arms crossing at the knees - that crotch area looks so irresistible)

Fred: Let me ask you something Gooseman...

Daphne: Duckman!

Fred: Whatever. Do you think I’m a fag?

Duckman: Not really, but getting back to the ascot...

Fred: When I wore that thing, it was part of the fashion in those days. I will say that particular fashion is making a comeback - retro in your language. The problem is my friends keep hiding it from me (giving a mean look at Daphne) when I do want to wear it.

Daphne: We are just saving you the embarrassment...

Fred: Yeah right...

Duckman: (I am trying not to notice the growing erection in my pants from looking at the way Daphne is sitting) Okay! Let us talk about Shaggy.

Daphne: He is a real sweetheart, although he can be very cowardly. I want to say right now that Shaggy and I are lovers (Fred squirms in his chair) and I hope this relationship will grow.

Fred: He’s a little veg eatin’ stoner...

Daphne: Fred is just jealous because Shaggy is more sensitive to my needs (Fred rolls his eyes upward), and he has the biggest...(Daphne goes back to crossing her legs, and my erection starts to shrivel)

Fred: Oh he does not...

Daphne: Freddie, I know it hurts that Shaggy accidently said you had a bald pin cock in front of some friends, but face the facts - it is true. Don’t worry, we can still be fuck buddies, but you will never pleasure me the way he can.

Fred: Gee thanks Daph! Why don’t you air my dirty laundry in public.

Daphne: Why not? Duckman said it was an in-depth interview. I think we need to air some of this stuff. There is nothing wrong with being wholesome for the kids, but in today’s society adults like the truth.

Duckman: Is Shaggy really a vegetarian?

Fred: Yup, he is a veg head.

Duckman: Fred, you mentioned Shaggy was a stoner. That brings me to another point - what are Scooby Snax anyway? Are they really cookies with reefer in them?

Fred: Of course. Why do you think Shaggy and Scooby want more of them? Because they get the “munchies.”

Daphne: (Bringing her legs back up and revealing that crotch area in those tight jeans) Can I say something here? First of all, both Shaggy and Scooby have hefty appetites. Secondly, the Scooby Snack is something our cook made for Shaggy and Scooby since we were little kids. It kind of had the flavor of those animal shaped cookies. Sure I have seen Shaggy smoke a little, but the rumor about Scooby Snax being cookies with reefer, is preposterous!

Duckman: (My voice cracks as I feel growth in my pants, from looking at Daphne’s crotch area again) Well these are interesting facts about the gang so far. What about that crazy Great Dane himself - ol’ Scooby?

Fred: With him, I do not know where to begin. We have had this dog since we were little kids, and he was a puppy. We knew he was different when he started talking. At first, he was hard to understand but with time, he was able to clearly express himself.

Daphne: (Places her hand on her crotch area) He can express himself in more ways than one!

Fred: Oh yeah, like the time I caught you bent over with Scoob giving it to you ‘doggy style’ - literally!

Daphne: (Her green eyes wide) Jeepers Fred! Shut-up!

Fred: Hey this is an in-depth interview - your own words. Got to get that stuff out.

Daphne: (Taking her hand off her crotch, and giving Fred the finger) You ASSHOLE! What about the time I caught you Velma, and Scooby in a menage-a-trois? An ascot wearing pretty boy, a bespecticaled geeky girl, and a dog - gettin’ it on.

Duckman: Wow! This is really intense, and getting better...

Fred: That isn’t half of it. You should have seen the time I caught Velma jamming a huge strap-on in Daphne’s pussy. Daphne was loving every minute of it.

Daphne: That was not your business Freddie! That was a girl thing...

Fred: A ‘girl thing!’ - yeah right! As long as we are on the subject of fuckin’ and suckin’, why don’t you tell Duckman what really happened when we were solving the mystery of the Ghostclown. How he hypnotized you, and you were in that goofy trance. (Daphne glares at Fred) Uh-ha! You know what I am talking about.

Duckman: Er Daphne? (I am looking at her like a puppy begging for a treat)

Daphne: Alright, I will tell you what I know. (Glares at Fred again) I hate you for this.

End of part ONE